look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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