So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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