I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
