I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
