You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
