He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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