life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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