i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
