if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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