My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
