I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize