i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
