nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
