my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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