dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
