What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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