I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just high enough for therapy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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