well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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