Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
