Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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