fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
