Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
