We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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