I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
