So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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