And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
