I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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