The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
