im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
