Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
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It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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