All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
