she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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