i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
