Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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