Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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