Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
