She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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