Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
