Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
