I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
