i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
