Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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