you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
