Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
