She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
