Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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