Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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