I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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