New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
