He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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