Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
