Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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