I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
