god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So much Jack, so little girl.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
