found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
