Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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