trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
