Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
