I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
